0️⃣ INTRODUCTION
Errol Flynn was one of the greatest seducers in history.
It wasn’t about anything he said but how he carried himself.
’10 minutes in a room with him, and you lost all your breaks because he passed his relaxed mood to you.’
– Robert Green
He didn’t try to prove himself, defend himself, or pretend to be someone he wasn’t.
He knew exactly who he was and what he wasn’t.
These qualities are the result of adopting a free-spirited mindset.
Here’s how you can too:
1️⃣ BECOME ONE WITH REALITY
The only way people can hurt you; is if you agree with what they say and you haven’t entirely accepted the thing you agree with.
For example,
You’re insecure about being overweight but haven’t accepted the reality of being overweight.
Someone calling you fat will hurt you because it becomes more real.
However, if you fully accept that you’re overweight and someone calls you fat, you say: I know.
Further, the only way to work on your weight is to assume that you’re overweight.
You can’t start a diet and work out when you’re in denial.
Therefore, become one with reality!
As a result,
• no one can hurt you.
• you can improve what you want to change (but have accepted as real).
👉 Action• Make a list of who you are, all the positive things, and all your flaws.
• Then, change the things you want to improve (one by one).
Note:
Write down five positive things for every point of improvement because you want to stay positive!
2️⃣ DEFINE YOUR CORE VALUES
Another way to be comfortable with who you are is by identifying your core values.
Your core values are a set of principles that define your identity.
They serve as a…
• stable anchor (in a volatile world), and
• a guide for you in life.
Personal values consist of the following elements:
A/ In alignment with who you are.
B/ Non-negotiable: you can’t put them aside when you don’t feel like it.
C/ Organized in order of importance: the first overrides the second, and so on.
Here are some examples of values you can choose from.
👊 My top 5 values are:
1. Integrity
2. Family & Friendship
3. Well-being (physical and mental)
4. Personal Development
5. Freedom
These values make me comfortable with negative feedback, rejection, and failure.
• Personal development
• Growth Mindset
• Seek discomfort
👉 Action
• Pick at least five core values from the list above.
• Rank them in order.
• Write or print your values; hang them on a visible spot.
• You can adjust your values in the following months until you’ve found YOUR CORE VALUES.
3️⃣ ADOPT AN ABUNDANCE MINDSET
To understand an abundance mindset, let’s look at the opposite first: a scarcity mindset.
Examples of a scarcity mindset:
• ‘All the beautiful women are already taken.’
• ‘Women aren’t interested in me.’
• ‘Beautiful women only go for other guys.’
A scarcity mindset manifests itself in the following behaviors:
• You don’t go out the door.
• You rarely talk to people when you’re out the door.
• When you see a beautiful woman, you assume she isn’t interested.
With a scarcity mindset, you sabotage your sex life.
A scarcity mindset is usually the result of bad events in your past:
• Your parents neglected, abandoned, or abused you.
• Girls rejected you harshly.
• Your dream girl chose a more popular guy.
… and you expect these bad things to happen again (so you ‘protect’ yourself).
The reality is that there are other men with similar or worse experiences than you that have an abundant sex life today!
The only difference is: that they changed their mindset.
The thing is, the world isn’t scarce; your current view of the world is.
Practicing gratitude daily is the first tiny step that changes your scarcity mindset.
Gratitude forces you to focus on the positive instead of the negative.
👊 Bonus:
It also helps you to stop living in the past because you have to focus on the present.
Several studies found a strong relationship between gratitude, self-esteem, and general well-being.
An example,
👉 Action
Every day before you go to bed, write down (or think about) three things you’re thankful for in these domains:
• yourself.
• people in your life.
• things you have.
• experienced you had.
• work.
It can be as simple as appreciating a beautiful tree, a text from a friend, or the comfort of your pillow.
4️⃣ ACCEPT YOUR DARK THOUGHTS
You accept your negative thoughts by not judging them.
You just let them be.
The best way to do this is by stepping aside from your thoughts via mindfulness.
Mindfulness has two key components:
• being present in the moment, and
• observing your thoughts, feelings, and sensations (without judging them).
In 2013, Australian researchers published a paper in which they tested five types of mindfulness facets––in relation to self-esteem.
• Observing your thoughts
• Describing your thoughts
• Aware of your thoughts
• Non-judging your thoughts
• Non-reactivity toward your thoughts
The authors found that ‘not-judging your thoughts’ has the strongest relationship with higher self-esteem.
Being ‘aware of your thoughts’ was a close second.
👉 Action
• Set aside 5-15 minutes a day to meditate.
• Listen to a guided meditation (if you start out) so you can sit and listen to the instructions.
• Find one that matches your personality.
• Relax, and don’t judge 🙂
🖐️ Warning
Put only one of these tips into practice (at first), don’t do too many things at once!The road to crazy levels of self-esteem is slow and gradual.
The fastest way to failure is doing it all at once.
Summary,
1️⃣ BECOME ONE WITH REALITY
2️⃣ DEFINE YOUR CORE VALUES
3️⃣ ADOPT AN ABUNDANCE MINDSET
4️⃣ ACCEPT YOUR DARK THOUGHTS
This is PART 2/4 of my
‘Dating 101 series: How to find, meet and attract beautiful women.’
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