THE DATING STARTER KITCOACHKARMOS.COM
What's inside
Four of the nine rules in 10X Your Dating: two for before the date and two for the date itself. No stories, just the rules.
Optimize your presentation
When you present yourself well, you feel better about yourself, and you come across as more attractive. A double win.
Set the right intentions
It helps shift your focus from what you can't fully control, her thoughts and feelings about you, to what you can control.
Pick a location that works in your favor
Take her somewhere top-notch and it does the heavy lifting for you. Take her somewhere subpar and you are having an uphill battle.
Get on the move
Moving between places distorts time and builds trust. It is the difference between three hours and a whole day.
01
Optimize your presentation
The pre-date checklist, and the four fashion rules
01 · OPTIMIZE YOUR PRESENTATIONRULE #2
PRE-DATEWhen you present yourself well, you feel better about yourself, and you come across as more attractive. A double win.
Wash your whole body properly, not just the obvious spots, so you smell and feel fresh.
Trim your private area well (many women complain that most men do a poor job at it) and tidy up your beard.
Keep your nails trimmed, clean, and smooth. No sharp or rough edges, for obvious reasons.
Floss, brush, scrape, and rinse. Finish with a minty piece of chewing gum.
Use a subtly scented deodorant for your armpits and a high-quality, non-basic cologne. Three to four sprays are enough.
- Croijmans et al., 2021. Female participants rated male dating show contestants as having higher self-esteem and being more attractive when they applied a fragranced body spray, compared with natural body odor alone.
- Craig Roberts et al., 2009. Men who wore scented deodorant were rated significantly more attractive, even though the women judges couldn't perceive any fragrance. Men wearing scented deodorant also felt more confident, and the more they liked their scent, the more confident they felt.
01 · OPTIMIZE YOUR PRESENTATIONRULE #2, CONTINUED
And make sure your fashion is
| Cool | Either timeless or trendy. A good hack is to look at guys who are dating the type of women you want, and take inspiration from them. Study everything from their shoes and jackets to their haircuts and jewelry. Make sure it fits your look and personality. |
| Well-fitted | Whether oversized or not, your clothes need to sit well, especially across the shoulders and around the hips. |
| Color tone | Wear colors that flatter your skin tone. A simple way to check is to hold the piece of clothing next to your arm. Then ask yourself: does this make my skin look better or worse? |
| Not low-value | Brands or quality that's linked to a lack of resources. |
Average or dorky fashion.
Cheap or childish cologne.
- Townsend & Levy, 1990. Clothing status had a significantly greater effect on women's willingness to engage in relationships than on men's. This gap was largest when the man's physical attractiveness was low.
- Bale & Archer, 2013. Self-perceived physical attractiveness and confidence in one's appearance significantly predicted overall self-esteem in both men and women.
02
Set the right intentions
The five intentions to bring to every date
02 · BEFORE THE DATERULE #4
PRE-DATEIt shifts your focus from what you can't control, her thoughts and feelings about you, to what you can. And it stops you chasing a result, which is ironically what leads to it anyway.
When you are having fun, you naturally build a playful and positive connection.
By being fully present, you build a connection almost effortlessly simply by tuning in to her and the conversation.
This helps you genuinely understand who she is, what she does, and why she does the things she does.
Showing your flaws with confidence creates space for her to feel safe opening up to you.
This creates a man-to-woman vibe that opens the door to sex and a relationship.
Being vulnerable doesn't mean trauma dumping or playing the victim. It means owning your past flaws and how you're actively overcoming your current ones. Start small.
Having an outcome mindset.
Being in your head: performative, thinking about what to say next.
- Janz, Pepping & Halford, 2015. Men who scored higher in dispositional mindfulness (presence) received significantly higher attraction ratings from their speed-dating partners, regardless of facial attractiveness.
- Williamson et al., 2022. Athletes who focused on how they performed, rather than on the result, performed significantly better and felt more confident.
- Weger, Castle Bell, Minei & Robinson, 2014. Those who got active listening, open questions and paraphrasing, rated their partner as significantly more socially attractive than those who got simple acknowledgments.
- Collins & Miller, 1994. People who open up are liked more, and come to like the people they open up to, especially when the disclosure feels exclusive to the listener.
03
Pick a location that works in your favor
The five elements of a great spot
03 · THE LOCATIONRULE #6
THE DATEWhen you take a girl to a top-notch location, it does the heavy lifting for you. The opposite is also true: when you take her to a subpar location, you're having an uphill battle.
Music, lighting, and ambiance.
Preferably a 4.5 or higher. Women will look it up on Google.
Has enough real or experienced privacy to physically escalate: touch her leg, cuddle, or make out.
The ability to sit next to her so you can, again, physically escalate.
Make a reservation to secure a spot.
Scout locations within a 10-minute radius of your home. Rate them based on overall vibe and coziness, and make sure you can sit next to her, since you can't touch her from across the table.
Taking her to touristy or overly 'basic' spots.
Unable to sit next to her, which makes it more difficult to physically escalate.
- Dutton & Aron, 1974. People misattributed physical arousal, for example crossing a scary bridge, to romantic attraction, demonstrating how the environment shapes emotional experience.
- Burgoon, 1991. Touching, compared to no touch, consistently conveyed affection, receptivity, trust, and intimacy, regardless of the form.
04
Get on the move
Why one location is never enough
04 · ON THE DATERULE #7
THE DATEMoving between places does two things. It distorts time, so it feels like you've spent more time together than you actually did. And it builds trust, because from her perspective she's starting to feel safe following your lead.
At the first spot, your goal is to simply get to know each other a bit.
Based on the vibe of the interaction, you either go to a higher-energy or lower-energy location. From a nightclub, to taking your dog for a walk, or to your place if the sexual energy is high enough.
Every location has a natural peak. When the energy drops, whether in the place or the vibe of the conversation, it's time to move.
Have a list of places you can go to after the first location has passed its peak.
Staying too long at one spot, too far past its peak.
Not having 2-3 mental options for the next place.
- Avni-Babad & Ritov, 2003. Time spent on varied, non-routine activities was remembered as lasting longer than the same amount of time spent on routine ones.
WHERE THIS CAME FROMTHE ONLINE DATING BLUEPRINT
What you just got
This kit is a piece of 10X Your Dating, one of the three playbooks in the Online Dating Blueprint. This is how much of it you now have.
IN THIS KIT
Your presentation, and your intentions.
The location, and getting on the move.
Nothing. This is the part that decides whether you get a second date.
IN THE FULL PLAYBOOK
- The other 2 pre-date rules - preparing your home, and getting yourself into the best mood before you walk out the door
- Rule #5: time and logistics - when to meet her and how long the date should run
- Rule #8: seed the second date - how to plant it while you're still on the first one
- Rule #9: set up the second date - when to text, what to send the next morning, and how to get her out again