Find the stage costing you most.

Each stage is scored out of seven. Sixteen of the twenty-one questions are supported by published research, listed below with what each study measured and found. Four are your own read on an outcome, and one rests on experience rather than a paper. Those five say so.

PROFILE

1. 1

   Can someone tell within 1 second who you are in your first photo?

   Gray et al., 2018

   Survey of 188 dating-app users. The profile photograph was named the most important element of a profile by approximately 49% of respondents, ahead of shared interests at 29%.

2. 2

   Do your photos show you in at least 2 distinct lifestyle activities?

   Tyson et al., 2016

   Field measurement study on Tinder. Increasing a male profile from one photograph to three raised matches from 44 to 238 across an identical four-hour window.

   Boller, Lechner & Okasa, 2025

   Causal machine-learning analysis of 16,864 new users on a German platform. Weekly sport participation raised a man’s probability of receiving a first message by approximately 53%, from 2.50% to 3.82%.

3. 3

   Do your photos show you in a high-status context?

   Jonason & Thomas, 2022

   Behavioural data from 1.8 million active users across 24 countries. Higher combined education and income reliably increased the messages, likes and winks a profile received, with the effect approximately 2.5 times stronger for men than for women.

   Dunn & Searle, 2010

   Between-subjects experiment. The same male model, in identical posture and expression, was seated in either a Bentley Continental GT or a Ford Fiesta. Women rated him significantly more attractive in the high-status car.

   Dunn & Hill, 2014

   Same design, different setting. A male model stood in either a luxury apartment or a standard one, and women rated him significantly more attractive in the luxury context.

4. 4

   Have attractive women or experts reviewed your photos?

   White, Sutherland & Burton, 2017

   Two experiments. 102 participants selected profile photographs of themselves and of an unfamiliar person; 610 independent raters judged the images selected by others to convey more favourable impressions, with the largest effect in the dating context.

5. 5

   Are most of your photos taken by someone else, in good light?

   McGloin & Denes, 2018

   Experimental 2×2 design, 305 opposite-sex viewers analysed. Photographs enhanced through styling and lighting were rated more attractive, and attractiveness remained the strongest predictor of willingness to date.

   EXPERIENCE BASED

   Whether the photograph is taken by another person is not tested in the library. That half of the question comes from profile audits.

6. 6

   Are your matches as attractive as the women you usually date?

   OUTCOME BASED

   Your own read on whether the profile is reaching the women you want. No study required.

7. 7

   Do women sometimes open the conversation first, or reference your profile?

   Zhang & Yasseri, 2016

   Metadata analysis of 400,000 users and 2.09 million conversations. Men initiated 79% of conversations, establishing the base rate against which a woman opening first is informative.

TEXTING

1. 8

   Do you have a go-to opening message that often gets enthusiastic replies?

   Cooper et al., 2007

   381 participants rated 40 opening lines. Openers conveying character, culture or wealth outperformed jokes, compliments and sexual remarks; men systematically overestimated the effectiveness of the latter.

2. 9

   Do you often mirror her texting frequency and investment level?

   Zhang & Yasseri, 2016

   Across 18.9 million messages, more balanced message ratios between two people predicted a phone-number exchange, which occurred in 19% of mutual conversations.

   Wagner et al., 2022

   Mixed-methods study, 200 participants and 1,042 coded message screenshots. Partners mirrored each other’s message length, message count, response timing and emoji use.

3. 10

   Do your texts get laughs, emojis, or teasing back?

   Wagner et al., 2022

   Emoji reciprocity was associated with connection between partners, while non-reciprocation was interpreted by recipients as neglect.

4. 11

   Do you ask questions that would let you decide she is not a fit?

   Birnbaum, Zholtack & Reis, 2020

   Three experiments in online chat and face-to-face settings. Partners who required greater effort to win were rated higher in mate value and sexual desirability than easily-won partners, and elicited more subsequent contact attempts.

5. 12

   Do you suggest a date once she’s engaged, rather than keep texting?

   Timmermans & Courtois, 2018

   Survey of 1,038 users. Fewer than half of matches resulted in an in-person meeting, identifying the transition to meeting, rather than matching, as the principal point of attrition.

6. 13

   Do most matches you actually want reach a date?

   OUTCOME BASED

   Your own conversion figure for this stage, counted among the matches you cared about.

   Timmermans & Courtois, 2018

   For reference: fewer than half of all matches result in a meeting.

7. 14

   Do you signal your intent, short-term or long-term?

   Zhang & Santtila, 2024

   Preregistered two-day experiment, 269 participants. Matching occurred preferentially between people whose stated relationship goals aligned. The study measures alignment rather than the effect of disclosing intent.

DATING

1. 15

   Do your dates usually move to a second spot?

   EXPERIENCE BASED

   From more than a hundred profile audits and client debriefs. No study in the library tests venue changes on a date.

2. 16

   Do you catch yourself thinking what to say next on a date? (reverse)

   Karremans et al., 2009

   Two experiments, 40 and 111 participants. Men’s cognitive performance declined following interaction with a woman, with the effect increasing with her attractiveness and with the man’s motivation to impress her.

3. 17

   Does she do at least half the talking on your dates?

   Weger, Castle Bell, Minei & Robinson, 2014

   Experiment with 115 participants. Those who received active listening responses, open questions, paraphrasing and reflecting feelings, rated their conversation partner as significantly more socially attractive than those who received simple acknowledgements.

4. 18

   Do you smoothly transition from polite conversation to flirting and physical touch?

   Burgoon, 1991

   Across relational message studies, touch compared with no touch consistently conveyed affection, receptivity, trust and intimacy, regardless of the specific form.

   Hall, Carter, Cody & Albright, 2010

   Five styles of communicating romantic interest were identified. The physical, sincere and playful styles were associated with greater dating success.

5. 19

   Do you feel the need to impress your dates? (reverse)

   McIntyre, Peebles & Mattingly, 2024

   Two vignette experiments, 116 and 111 participants. Individuals who signalled a strong need to be liked were rated as less attractive and as socially desperate.

6. 20

   Do you rarely or never get the ‘no spark’ text after a date?

   OUTCOME BASED

   Your own outcome.

   Baxter et al., 2022

   Meta-analysis of three speed-dating studies, 559 participants and more than 6,600 dates. Post-date pursuit was predicted by first-impression evaluations, including partner-specific attraction beyond general desirability.

7. 21

   Do 60% or more of your first dates lead to a second?

   OUTCOME BASED

   Your own conversion figure, and the cleanest single measure of whether the dates themselves are working.

   Baxter et al., 2022

   The second-date meta-analysis behind this measure.